Week 2 of being a mom sucks

Holy crap I am a mom! It happened 1.5 weeks early via emergency c-section, so not exactly what I had planned, but overall a surprisingly good experience.
I have been a mom for almost two weeks now. And while the first week was good, the second week so far sucks.
I should clarify:
I love my baby. She is adorable. She is relatively low need, from what little I know about babies.
But her latch is bad, which means I’ve got to use a nipple shield and I still have sore, cracked nipples that got engorged and have left me crying from pain during feedings. I have tried a ridiculous amount of pillow combinations, weird nursing positions (practically lying on my back, for one), and my husband paid $165 for a lactation consultant to come to our house (which we really couldn’t afford), and so far no dramatic improvements. At least the engorgement seems to be getting better.
She also likes to be held when she’s awake. Or rather she will cry if left unattended while she’s awake. BUT she hates pretty much any moby/sling/wrap device I’ve tried with her, and most are designed for bigger babies. Which means I’m stuck holding her for the 6 hours or so she’s awake during the day, since my husband has sneakily gone back to work already (it was just supposed to be "a couple of hours" and has now stretched out to 6). For two days I was trapped under her for hours straight, sometimes with one hand free but often not. I don’t mind holding her and doing stuff, and in one case I was able to nap with her, but the idea of spending weeks stuck under a baby not able to read, watch TV, SOMETHING, was driving me mad. I finally was able to get her to lie down on her own without falling asleep at the nipple with only an hour’s worth of rocking/holding, which is a dramatic improvement and why I can type right now. I’ve tried one-handed typing; good enough for quick emails, writing/blogging not so much. She usually only lasts for two hours during the day before a poopy diaper or something else wakes her up. I have to often choose between eating, cleaning (another area where my husband just doesn’t get what "clean" is), changing clothes, making some connection with the outside world. I feel like a bad mom that I don’t want to constantly stare lovingly into here eyes – instead I find myself staring lovingly at my smart phone.
That combined with my sore body – c-section incision, sore nipples, sore arm muscles, I am already ready to return her to the baby store. And she’s a GOOD one.
This has taken me five hours to write in between feedings, changings, and holdings, and it’s about to start all over judging by her squeaky noises, so better sign off now, but God please tell me it gets better.


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