Ninja Fetus

After our last doctor’s appointment, my husband and I have decided our child is not just a zen fetus, she is a ninja fetus.

First off, she’s a very quiet kid. Except when she’s kicking or punching me, then it just sort of hurts. Not a lot, but it’s certainly not butterflies. My placenta is also growing right smack in the front of everything, so I can’t feel anything she does at the front of my stomach, only on the sides which I think are harder to recognize as fetal movement and not gas/twinge/muscles stretching/etc. She was also a little hard for the doctor midwife to find; she finally found her hiding on the lower right-hand side. After that visit, as we were leaving my husband turned to me and said, “wow, it’s like we’re growing a ninja fetus in there.”

Now I can’t get the image out of my head:

A little ninja fetus lurks quietly behind the placenta, or tucked up behind the rib cage, waiting for her moment to strike, and then POW! She waits patiently, stalking her next victim (probably my bladder!), listening to every heartbeat, stomach growl, and human growl or shrill that passes by. The darkness is no obstacle to her, she’s lived in darkness her whole life! She is not sure of the dangers out there, but she is ready to defend herself at any moment. She is… ninja fetus! *Pow, pow!*

I’m supposed to be feeling her on a daily basis starting next week, so hopefully her mad ninja skills don’t last much longer. Or she decides to add a daily training regimen.


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